Power Dialogues: Chapter Summaries

Many of us travel through our lives learning about many different philosophical, psychological, religious and spiritual paths in order to create a sense of clarity, comfort and understanding about our lives and the world around us. Some call this the search for knowledge. Some view such pursuits as the inevitable outcome of the human preoccupation with sanity and justice. Others believe we all really search for God. No matter what the rationale, we have a yearning for connection, communion and inner peace. Oftentimes, our sincere efforts, molded by the modern fad of going from discipline to discipline, keeping our options open, never quite committing, leave us empty-handed. There can be many roads to heaven, many avenues to clarity, many routes to peace of mind and many byways to love. However, we must travel far enough on one of those paths to reach such destinations. We believe the path outlined in this book is one of those paths that really delivers.

“For the casual reader, the contents of these pages might be stimulating, energizing, even thought-provoking. For the serious student, this process could just open the doors to your dreams. A dear friend who chose a path very different than mine argued that broadly based knowledge always outweighs a single focus. I used to share such a perspective. No longer. I now suggest, buckle down. Commit to something you love. Get to know it deeply, completely. If it’s prayer in a church, become versed in every word and every rhythm, the surface messages and the submerged meanings. If it’s computer technology, embrace every aspect of that silicon life until you can breathe it. If it’s kayaking, learn all about that craft and the movements of the tides and currents intersecting with wind and weather patterns so that you and your kayak can glide effortlessly across the waters. The Tibetan proverb, “Know one, accomplish all,” suggests that we focus on and master one way that lights our heart and that, in so doing, we will reach our own personal heaven and experience a life rich and rewarding beyond our wildest dreams.

Chapter 1: Principles Of Studentship

This chapter delineates the Five Principles of Studentship, teaching the student of the Option Process® Dialogue, or of any endeavor, how to relentlessly pursue not only developing themselves into the best of who they can be, but to pursue mastery of their subject matter. This chapter gives lessons in dedication to world-class studentship, an undertaking which makes all the difference in our ability to learn, understand and absorb any subject!

Chapter 2: On Becoming A Force Of Nature

Chapter 2 introduces a signature system for becoming a powerful, energized and unstoppable force in your own life’s endeavors. This five-point system was designed by Barry Neil Kaufman over the last 4 years as a blueprint of action for people who are attempting to make miracles happen against staggering odds. The “Becoming a Force Of Nature” system featured in this chapter of PowerDialogues paves the way for anyone to establish clear intentions and purpose, and shows how to successfully execute these intentions and purposes in any arena of life, including work, home, family and relationships.

Chapter 5: The Physiology of Change

Read The Physiology of Change and discover how physiology and psychology intermingle to create the wondrous living creature that you are! This section pulls from the newest scientific research on our minds and bodies, and tells how we can apply these discoveries in the most exciting and evolutionary ways. Discover that new learning creates new physiology and find out, in this section, how this works!

“There are one hundred billion stars in our galaxy. There are approximately one hundred billion neurons in our brain, which fire and interact with each other across synaptic connections. Every thought is a physical event in our brains and throughout our bodies…” – Excerpted from chapter 5.

Chapter 6: Option Process® Global Beliefs

In this chapter of PowerDialogues, thirty-six essential beliefs are listed which form the conceptual and philosophical basis of the Option Process®. Compiled and honed after decades of teaching the Option Process®, this chapter forms the first comprehensive collection of the life-changing beliefs of the Option Process® system.

Chapter 9: Belief Systems

Chapter 9 presents an in-depth discussion of the following topics, answering key questions and leading the reader to a rock-solid comprehension of beliefs and how to change them.

  • What Are Beliefs?
  • How Beliefs Function.
  • Replacing Old Beliefs with New Ones.
  • Changing Beliefs.
  • The Role of Evidence in Belief-Making.
  • Using Evidence for our Benefit.
  • Do We Choose our Beliefs?

Chapter 10: Judgments, The Critical Subset of Beliefs

Learn, in this chapter, the critical role that judgments play in every one of our lives. It would be rare for anyone to go through a single day without making a judgment. Expand your understanding of judgments – learn how we use judgments in specific ways to support or suppress what we want. Learn how to identify your own judgments and determine if they are serving or suffocating you!

Chapter 15: The Unhappiness Factor

In chapter 15 of PowerDialoguesSM we dissect and dispel the myth of The Unhappiness Factor. All the components of The Unhappiness Factor are discussed,including:

  • Being unhappy now so that we can be happy later.
  • Unhappiness as a motivator (for ourselves and others)
  • Unhappiness as a reinforcer (to perform, to stay the course and to inhibit).
  • Unhappiness as a gauge (to measure the depth of our caring).
  • Unhappiness based on a logical system of beliefs.

Chapter 19: Attitude: Heart of the Dialogue

The questions that form the operational aspect of the Option Process® Dialogue have little value unless they arise from a very special attitude. In chapter 19, we discuss the three fundamental components that comprise this attitude, plus a fourth surprise component is introduced!

Chapter 22: Primary Beliefs of an Option ProcessSM Mentor/Counselor

In this chapter we identify the ten primary beliefs that are most helpful for an Option Process® Mentor/Counselor to hold. Furthermore, anyone who adopts these beliefs will find that the Primary Mentoring Beliefs have an unprecedented beneficial impact in every relationship in their life!

Chapter 25: Option Process® Dialogue Questions

In chapter 25, all of the potential questions asked within an Option Process® Dialogue are classified into four simple, sequential and logically constructed categories. Study how this classification makes the questions exceedingly easy to use! As we learn how to be clear, helpful and loving listeners, this format becomes an indispensable guide for always knowing the most effective question to ask!

Chapter 26: The Questions – Basic Guidelines

Learn to make listening and asking gently, nonjudgmental questions second nature! For anyone, and especially for those learning the Option Process® Dialogue, it is important to have some means of discerning which question to ask of an Explorer, client, friend, spouse or colleague at any given moment. In this chapter, we list each of twenty-two fundamental questions and give an in-depth explanation of their application (how and when to ask them). Additionally, many diverse examples of using the questions are given. For instance, a single statement made by an Explorer is given, and afterwards, a list of the many possible questions that a Mentor might ask. Next, we analyze each possible question, determining which are the most effective questions to ask and why.

Chapter 27: Option Process® Mentoring Guideposts

In this chapter, specific areas of focus pertaining to the Option Process® Dialogue are recast, re-explored and amplified so that students have ample opportunity to digest and internalize this ultimate system for personal change. For your review, all areas have been listed below:

  • Recognizing Explorers as their Own Best Experts
  • Validating/Buying Into the Beliefs of the Explorer
  • Past verses Present
  • Being Nondirective
  • Being Nonjudgmental
  • “Going in Circles”
  • Asking for Examples
  • Misunderstood Questions
  • “Yes” and “No” Questions
  • Statements of Intent or Preference
  • The Redirect
  • Getting Out of the Way
  • Dialogue Interruptions
  • Dialogues with Children
  • Contrary Explorers
  • “Successful” Dialogues
  • Joint Sessions
  • On being an Option Process® “Tormentor”
  • Taping Training Sessions
  • A Spiritual Dimension
  • Keeping The Mentor’s Beliefs Out of the Content of the Questions
  • A Special Note on Fantastical Information

Chapter 29: Asking for an Example

The jewels of self-understanding lie in specifics, or in the details. Learn to dig for the diamonds that are within your friends’, colleagues’, or clients’ concerns and issues. In chapter 29, we focus on learning how and when to ask for examples. To best illustrate this, hypothetical, yet frequently used, statements by Explorers are listed. Afterwards, a varied selection of possible questions from Mentor/Counselors are posed, making it extremely easy to understand the many ways of asking for examples

Chapter 32: QED’s – Question Evaluation Dissectors

What exactly is a QED? The QED’s constitute a method of self-evaluation for Mentor/Counselors and all those learning the Option Process® Dialogue. Six Question Evaluation Dissector’s provide a way to analyze and evaluate, after the conclusion of a dialogue session, the questions you have asked. The QED’s have been especially designed to help individuals learning the dialogue to identify which questions are effective and which are not and, most importantly, understand why.

Chapter 35: DJ’s – Dialogue Jump-Starters

Sometimes we find ourselves being “stuck”, confused or lost while we are mentoring or listening to another speak. Oftentimes, this is because we have become distracted, have stopped being present, or are harboring judgments.

The Jump-Starters are the answer to this challenge! Chapter 35 presents five easy steps to take when we get “stuck”; steps which can help us to re-center ourselves, become present again and to drop any judgments. And, each Jump-Starter is designed to take no more that three seconds to implement!

Chapter 37: The Keys to Option Process® Mentoring

Twenty-three distinctive tips and keys to Mentoring are taught and detailed in this chapter. These keys tap into the heart of Option Process® Mentoring/Counseling, leaving the reader with a quick-reference outline of information. Titles of each Key to Mentoring are listed below. To see the full description of each Key, read PowerDialogues!

  • The Option Process® Mentor as Happy Detective
  • The Option Process® Mentor as a Visiting Martian
  • The Practice of Mentoring as a Process of Unlearning
  • The Role of the Mentor
  • The Option Process® Attitude: Cornerstone of the Dialogue
  • Option Process® Dialogue Questions
  • Perspective on Pivotal Beliefs
  • Beliefs – Dropped in an Instant
  • No Good or Bad Beliefs
  • People are doing The Best They Can, Based on Their Current Beliefs
  • Each of Us is Our Own Best Expert
  • Anything I Uncover Can Only Enrich Me
  • The Happiness/Unhappiness Factor
  • Mini-Dialogue (Questioning Beliefs Viewed as “Truth”)
  • Over the Line: Tormenting versus Mentoring
  • The Option Process® Dialogue: An Evolving Discipline
  • Tips for Mentors-In-Training
  • Mentoring Children
  • Mentoring Couples (Dialoguing Two People In Tandem)
  • The Role of Individual Consultation/Coaching Sessions
  • Discipline Required to Be of Service
  • Comments During Sessions to People Unfamiliar with the Process
  • Usefulness of Dialogue-Style Questions Outside of the Dialogue Setting

Chapter 38: Commonly Asked Questions

Chapter 38 contains the most commonly asked questions about the Option Process® Dialogue, all answered by Barry Neil Kaufman. Below is a sampling of the questions answered.

  • What do you do when you have personal perspectives on an Explorer’s dynamics?
  • Why does it require so much study and practice to learn to be an Option Process® Mentor/Counselor?
  • Can people just decide to be clear and be effective Mentors?
  • How long does it take to become an Option Process® Mentor/Counselor?
  • What are the biggest roadblocks to becoming a Mentor, and what shift can be made to make the learning process easier?
  • How can we learn to live the attitude more fully?
  • How do you mentor children who will not answer questions?
  • What activities, in addition to classes and reviewing your own taped dialogues with Mentor/Counselor trainers, would be useful for Mentors-In-Training?
  • How important is the Mentor’s body posture and body language?
  • You suggest communicating love and acceptance to an Explorer. Could touch, as a way to demonstrate this, be distracting, even detrimental?
  • I’m confused about the dialogue question, “What do you think would happen if you didn’t believe that, or if you weren’t unhappy about that?”
  • How does a person qualify for Senior Apprentice status?
  • You talked about a quantum leap to happiness. Anything you can say to inspire us to take such an evolutionary step?
  • What are the most important points that you would want to convey to a student of the Option Process® Dialogue?

PART V: Sample Dialogues

PART V of PowerDialogues features eleven sample Option Process® Dialogues. Actual dialogues have been transcribed in their entirety, complete with all of the Explorer’s statements and all of the Mentor’s questions. Follow the exciting unfolding of each exploration, learning the nuances of the dialogue by being privy to this first-hand account of eleven individual’s transformations using the dialogue. 100 pages.

Chapter 41 -Daring to Follow a Dream

Chapter 42 -Moving Beyond Abuse

Chapter 44 -Aging and Divorce

Chapter 46 -Fear of Commitment

Chapter 47 -Power of Beliefs From the Past

Chapter 48 -Body Issues/Weight Issues

Chapter 50 -Holding Onto Anger

Chapter 51 -Dealing with a Seriously Ill Parent

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